What is a sexual trauma?

Trauma and sexual violence

Trauma is a Greek word for 'wound'. A psychotrauma literally means a 'wound on your soul'. That wound can arise when you have experienced a shocking event. That can be a one-time event, or a repetition or accumulation of events, long or recently. Sex against your will is, by definition, a shocking event that can lead to trauma.

Sexual assault is any attempted sexual act that involves the use of force or coercion. This can be coercion by physical force, but it can also be coercion by emotional force. This also includes acts directed against one's sexuality. The perpetrator can be an unknown person or someone you know. Rape is a form of involuntary sex used by perpetrators to subjugate people.

Sexual trauma can also cause 'wounds in your body'. If you experience physical complaints as a result of sexual violence, contact your doctor or a gynaecologist. Look here for more information.

“When you're alone, some situations can be so unsafe for a woman. There are men who think that every woman who is alone belongs to them, willingly or unwillingly. Long story short, I got pregnant. When I found out I went to church to ask for help, I didn't want the pregnancy. I was hoping they had a solution for me. I was thinking of an abortion. The pastor's wife advised me against it. She said I was already a mother, even though the child was not yet born. And there I am now, with a seven-year-old daughter. She has no father, she keeps asking about him. She is contrary. I think she would be easier if she had a father, she would listen to that.”

Comments

The way a person reacts to a shocking event is very different. It often turns your life upside down. You sleep worse, you can concentrate less, you are irritable and you have nightmares. In addition, you can suffer from gloom and anxiety and (work) relationships no longer run so well. You are confronted with your own vulnerability and so you can lose the feeling of security and control. The world no longer feels safe and predictable. After a rape, women often feel dirty, it is as if they cannot wash themselves often enough. These are normal reactions to shocking events. Usually these stress reactions subside after a few weeks, but if they don't, it's important to seek help. There is a chance that you have post-traumatic stress disorder.

Practice

Dealing with dissociations to reconnect with your body

Mental exercises help you to be stronger when walking, which improves your performance.

The more you challenge yourself and push your limits, the stronger you need to be mentally. That's why we give you 3 simple exercises below that will give you a mental boost:

1. Divide your training or match
A half marathon is not 21 km but 3 x 7 km, and a full marathon is 5 x 8 km or 4 x 10 km. This way you don't focus all the time on the long distance that you have ahead of you and that you "have to" walk.

2. Write a running mantra on your hand, on your arm or on a gel
Something à la "Yes, you can!", "Don't give up" or "Think of that nice hot chocolate after your run". Just looking at this message when things are going a bit less can do wonders for your motivation!

3. Breathe into a square
Find a square anywhere. Eliminate all disturbing thoughts and focus on your breathing. Follow the sides of the square with your eyes and inhale one side, hold one side, exhale the other side, then hold again, etc. This calms you down, it has a relaxing effect. You can do this anywhere, because you will always find a square shape somewhere. Ideal for the start box!

Practice

Improve your sleep

Sleep has a big impact on how you feel. A good night's sleep is therefore very important! What can you possibly do to improve sleep?

Here's a tip: make a 'Safe Sleeping Box'. Put things in the box that help you to feel in the here and now when you wake up from a bad dream, for example a special stone, a photo of an important person, ideas for soothing music to put on, positive phrases that are special to you. Pen and paper to write down the bad things you have dreamed about and put them in the box to throw away later. After a bad dream get out of bed, turn on a light so that you see and know that you are now in a safe place! Do something relaxing to unwind (not watch TV) and then go back to sleep.

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Flee, fight and freeze

Flight, fight and freeze are natural automatic reactions when experiencing trauma. Your brain then makes a decision very quickly: flee if it is still possible, fight differently and if the other is stronger then there is only one option, which is to freeze. Freezing leads to paralysis of your muscles for some, stiffness for others. Often people cannot call for help during the freeze reaction, because their muscles - including the muscles around the vocal cords - are paralyzed. When you experience sexual violence you can feel alienated from your own body, as if you are perceiving yourself from the outside, as if the environment is not real, as if in a dream, distant or distorted.

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(2020, 2 november). Lindsay (27) werd verkracht op tinder-date.

In this video Lindsay tells how she froze during the rape. She tells what that is like. "I've stated several times, I don't want this, I want you to stop! That was not heeded. At one point I got two hands around my neck and then I knew that it was really wrong and that I had better not say anything. I'm frozen in the hope that it would be over as soon as possible. The consequences were enormous." She developed depression and PTSD. Lindsay mostly blamed herself for this happening to her. "I felt like I let this happen to me. Why didn't I yell, maybe the neighbors heard. By talking to a therapist about it, I now know that I couldn't have done anything, that freezing was a response to survive!”

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